Most Americans travel to Italy thinking they are going to see unbelievable works of art and architecture, the kinds that make your eyes melt and your heart explode: The Colosseum, Michelangelo's Statue of David, The Sistine Chapel etc. While this is a very legitimate expectation, what they fail to realize is that probably the greatest thing they could ever see and are most likely overlooking is right around just about every corner. This place is magical and truly spiritual. A modern day "Cave of Wonders," if you will.
This little slice of heaven is called very simply: The COOP.*
At first glance, The COOP resembles an average American grocery store from the outside. Brick. Boring. Bland. Baby....sorry, I just started saying "B" words.
I have now learned to never judge a grocery store by its exterior. The COOP is anything but bland and boring, it is in fact quite the opposite: vibrant and thrilling. The first time I went into my neighborhood COOP I was overwhelmed. Like a kid in a candy store. "Sensory overload" kept on running through my head like a manic robot as I perused the aisles, learning new vocabulary and questioning the use of Hello Kitty (Ciao Gatto) as a marketing tool.
Some may say that my almost daily trips to The COOP within the past week are demonstrative of American consumerism. I prefer to call it "research."
Let me do you the favor of taking you on a little virtual tour of The COOP, aka "The Happiest Place on Earth." We begin our tour at the front, where you pass through little gates and pick up your basket. These baskets are probably the best things about The COOP: hand baskets that have a long handle on them, making it so you can wheel them behind you like a suitcase. I probably spend more time than necessary in The COOP simply because I like rolling the basket around behind me. I just love it.
After picking up your basket, you turn and are faced with an impossible decision: to buy fruit or to not buy fruit? This is important for 2 reasons:
1. If you choose the option "buy fruit" then you will most likely buy more than you need due to the incredible weighing machine/sticker dispenser. This machine allows you to weigh your own fruit and dispenses a sticker with the price you need to pay once you get to the register. The dangerous thing about this is the satisfying noise the sticker makes as it pops out of the machine. The feeling I get when this happens can only be described in poker terms. Having the fruit and knowing I'm going to buy and enjoy it can be equated to having a pretty good poker hand, like 2 pair kings high. I feel pretty good. The sticker popping out of the machine is like hearing the dealer snap down the river card and having that card be another king. BAM. Full house. Now I feel great. Unfortunately, due to this great feeling I get from the sticker machine I generally buy too much fruit. Be wary of the sticker machine, just as you should be wary of gambling.
2. If you choose the option "no fruit" then you are sadly going to be without the satisfaction of the pop/snap of the machine, and you will also be without delicious apples, bananas, and grapes. Hefty price to pay.
If you are able to break away from the clutches of the sticker machine, you will move forward and find yourself in the pastry section. Another dangerous area, but not as dangerous as the fruit. Prices are marked on the various cookies, cakes and croissant rolls. This area is fascinating but easier to avoid. Eating pastries in Italy is easy, since that's really the only option for breakfast. I'm telling you, it's the fruit you have to watch out for.
The aisles of The COOP are similar to those in the United States in that they are generally organized into genres: pasta things on aisle 1, cookies/sweet things on aisle 2, face wash etc. on aisle 3. The great thing about these aisles is that everything is different from the US. Different packaging, names, types, and quantities. So much to look at. A million different types of cheese, interesting looking insta-desserts, cracker types and shapes up the wazoo, seemingly hundreds of different pastas...shopping at The COOP should really be an Olympic sport because I was physically exhausted after roaming 3 aisles and looking at every single item. Or maybe that was because I had been trapped by the sticker machine and was carting around what felt like 50lbs. of fruit. I am a victim of the pop/snap noise.
Once you have browsed each and every aisle thoroughly (even if you know that you don't need anything on most aisles), you now proceed to the checkout line. I have yet to actually have someone else ring me up since I much prefer the self checkout. I think I just like pushing the "Italiano" button instead of "Inglese" and actually understanding what the machine says to me. It is important to note here that Italians don't believe in lines, so you literally have to be the fastest one to get to the machine otherwise some Italian will beat you to it, even if he/she had been in the back of "the line."
Once you bag up your stuff, feel free to leave or...probably...come back later. The COOP is special because it is similar enough to my home grocery store to make me feel comfortable (Katie + Kings 4Ever), but different enough that I don't get bored and feel like I'm back in the US. This is the most magical thing about The COOP: its ability to turn a normally mundane task into one that is exciting, interesting and above all...Italian.
*To be pronounced "coop" which rhymes with soup, not "co-op" like co-operational. In reality the latter is the correct way to say it and the former is simply a modification.
jolly good
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